Mrs. Dilettante

Mary, Martha and Me

2010-05-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

I've had this book for a L-O-N-G time. I think I actually bought it back before I graduated college around the time I got married. I vividly remember purchasing it at the Christian Book Cellar back when it was the Christian Book Store (Cellar...Store...whatever) in Glendora. I know that at first glance I wanted to knock it off the shelf and kick it across the carpet...I took that as a sign from God that I needed to buy it and read it.

The good news is that I bought it.

The bad news is that I have never cracked the cover open. Not even once.

It just really pisses me off!

The title. The font. The pictures on the cover. The name Martha.

I seriously cant stand the stupid thing. Every time Michael and I round up things to donate to Goodwill I think "Here's my chance to get rid of it" but for some reason I dont toss it into the pile. When I hear about someone going through something stressful I think "Ooo! I could give them the book as a gift" but I never wrap it up and dump it on the poor soul.

I was looking for another book to read while I lounged in the tub tonight and this wretched piece of literature kept calling my name from it's dusty home on the bottom shelf. I know in my heart I need to read it. I know that God has been wanting me to read it for years now. I know it is probably going to blow my head off with something I need to hear but probably dont want to acknowledge. So, after running from Mary and Martha, I am going to face them...and they better be nice to me. Or else I just might banish them to the sad lower shelf or re-gift them to the Salvation Army where that can live with stinky boots and broken jewelry.

Ass

2010-04-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

Hello Ass.

Not nice to see you again.

What did you do with my butt?

My butt was nice and looked good in jeans and bathing suits.

You, however, are saggy, baggy and draggy.

You look sad and flat in jeans.

How dare you rear you ugly...er...rear in time for bathing suit season.

I expect my butt to be returned unharmed.

Or else.

Family

2010-04-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

This past Monday my family held funeral services for my Great Grandma. Opal Pauline Polich, affectionately dubbed "Grandma Peacock" by us great grandchildren (because of the peacocks that flew over her neighbors fence and strutted around her backyard, passed away in early March from pneumonia. Before she died, there were five generations of women alive in my family: my great grandma (Opal), my grandma (Mimi), my mom, myself and Adella.

When I look at this picture and think about the people in my family that came before me and that will come after me I am plagued by two clashing thoughts: "How did our family get it so right?" and "How did our family get it so wrong?". And, as I sit here staring at the blinking line, searching for the right words to type so I can continue this post, I can't articulate anything other than those two thoughts................and this verse that a dear friend shared with me a few days ago "Love covers a multitude of sin". And I think that is where I am going to end it because I cant think of anything else to say other than I love my family that got things right and I love my family that got things wrong and I find it comforting to believe that this love is brought out only in some unexplainable, divine way.

Week 3: Laugh or Cry

2009-09-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

"Mrs. Rogers! Today you look the best that you have looked all year! You barely look tired at all!"

Laugh? Or Cry?

"Mrs. Rogers! We are looking for teachers who don't mind making fools out of themselves to be in the rally...so...want to be in the rally?

Laugh? Or Cry?

After touching my stapler, my pen and my computer mouse:

"Mrs. Rogers! I feel like I am going to throw up. Can I go to the bathroom?

Laugh? Or Cry?

My personal favorite...

"Mrs. Rogers! I saw you driving to school today. I saw you drip coffee on your shirt and then try to get it out with the Tide pen. I also saw you singing to the radio. My dad saw you too."

Laugh? Or Cry?

Week 2

2009-09-12T08:30:00.001-07:00

The second week of school has past and boy was it a doozy.

President Obama gave a speech on tuesday to school children. Not surprisingly, there was an uprising of people (parents, teachers, etc) who were against the speech because they feared that Obama might use the opportunity to try to indoctrinate the students. Being that I am not a huge fan...or a moderate fan...or even a little fan of Obama, I spent a while trying to decide if I would take class time to show the speech. In the end I decided that my students (17 and 18 year olds) were old enough and open minded enough to be able to think for themselves and sift through any indoctrination.

I could not have been more wrong.

Before I could even show the speech, I had a yelling match break out in class between two students. Apparently one student told another student that he didn't like Obama because Obama was a communist. The other student, an Obama supporter, told him (loudly) that Obama was not a communist and even if he was that Communism would be better than the country that Bush created over the past eight years. I walked over to the table and my inner teacher told me to diffuse the situation but instead I provoked the conversation and asked why each student thought what they thought. Surprisingly, neither of them could explain, give evidence or even articulate their point of view beyond catch phrases and talking points. As I listened to them go back and forth a terrifying thought manifested in my mind: "They are already indoctrinated". The class then began to ask if we could divide and have a debate...pro-Obama students against anti-Obama students. I asked them how they thought they would have a debate...none of them had any evidence or facts...all they had was what they had heard from who knows where. It ended up being such a disturbance that it took nearly the entire period to handle and we never were able to watch the speech. When the bell finally rang, I sank into my chair and watched them file out of class...the future of our country...uninformed, indoctrinated and closed minded. How am I going to teach them to find their own answers through research and facts from reliable sources? How am I going to crack through their misconceptions about the world they live in? How am I going to help them grow into members of society that can think for themselves?

Back To School: Week 1

2009-09-03T14:19:00.000-07:00

School is back in session and here are a few of the thoughts I have pondered over the past week...

1. Why do I always end up saying something that is well intentioned but comes out sounding completely inappropriate? My favorite this week (and yes, I did this more than once this week) was "It doesn't matter how long it is. It can be really good even if it is short. In fact, I prefer them short because the longer ones are just too much." I was talking about paragraphs.

2. On the second day I asked students to write me a letter talking about who they are, what they are looking forward to and such. I do this to not only get an idea of who they are but also where they are at academically. Two letter struck me this year...

This letter: "Who am I? I am water: life flows through me in torrents. I am earth: strong and unyielding. I am fire: passionate and fierce. I am air: omnipresent and insubstantial. The four elements of nature converge in a common plan and were given life through flesh. That is who I am."

and this letter: "I am so excited to learn how the life works with the happy life without begins rich. I will not be a rich person because those people could pay what they want. The question I have is they are happy with their lifes."

These students are in the same class. How the heck am I supposed to bridge the gap between these two abilities and make sure each student is challenged and learning? I know that people say to group classes by ability is bad but I honestly think the students would end up learning more.

3. The most awesome, hilarious and vibrant people make the most exhausting students

4. I miss the good old summer days when I could pee whenever I needed to and I didnt have to wait for a bell or a break.

5. When I read a back to school letter to me and it says "One thing that you need to know about me is that my mom is battling stage four cancer. I think about her and worry about the future every day and that makes it really hard to focus in class. I really hope that you understand and I hope that I can get close to you this year." my eyes overflow with tears, my heart overflows with compassion and my mind is flooded with the thought that my job is more about loving that teaching.

6. I love my job. I love it. I am so glad that I am able to work in a profession that I love, with people I love and see the possibility for positive change in the world every day.

Denial

2009-08-27T22:31:00.000-07:00

I was in denial until this afternoon when I was abruptly and rather rudely brought back to reality.

Ouch. The truth hurts.

Rubber Duck

2009-08-21T10:41:00.000-07:00

I let Adella watch the Sprout channel while I get ready in the morning. Yes, I might be frying her little brain but if that means I can pee and brush my teeth in peace then I am ok with it. Her favorite show is Play With Me Sesame and I swear they show this SAME episode every morning and I have it perpetually running through my head...do de rubber duck rubber rubber duck rubber duck rubber duck duck...check it out here and sing with me!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

At the park...

Finding Joy

2009-08-17T21:44:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday To Me!

Today was a strange birthday...it was spent wearing dirty running pants, my hair not getting brushed and taking care of a sick baby. I was having a hard time not feeling like I selfish jerk as I thought about all of the things I would rather be doing instead of wiping snot but then I talked via text to my cousin Lyn. Check out her blog here. She commiserated with me about the responsibilities of mommyhood and encouraged me to "find the joy in today". I took her great advice and I present to you a few photos of the joy in today.

I found joy in caring for my sick little baby.

I found joy in a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

I found joy in a plate of cupcakes made with love from Jen and Lexi.

I found joy in an awesome gift from Michael!

Thank you Linky for helping to make my birthday soooooo special!

BTTF Nerd

2009-08-15T23:59:00.000-07:00

Michael often jokes (at least I think he is joking) that he is cool and that I am a nerd. In all honesty, he is probably right. But there is one arena where he a bigger nerd than me: the Back To The Future Trilogy. He might be the most huge BTTF (nerd code for Back To The Future) fan/nerd on the planet...and his (un)healthy affection for the trilogy has sucked me in and I must admit that I have become quite a fan as well.

We watch the trilogy every couple of months, regularly quote lines, have lengthy discussions regarding characters and themes...you get the idea. We have even taken day trips to visit locations where pivotal scenes in the movie were filmed...

The McFly House

Jennifer's Porch

I wanted to lay out on the swing but we were not up for being charged with trespassing.

Twin Pines Mall

Michael at "Twin Pines Mall".

Doc's Front Yard (Burger King)

Michael skateboarding the same route as Marty in the opening of BTTF 1.

The Tree (In my humble opinion, the key scene in all of the trilogy)

Michael doing a young George McFly impersonation.

The owner of the home where "The Tree" is planted is filming a documentary about BTTF and BTTF Fans. He interviewed us for a while...it was an unexpected surprise. Also, if you think that we are psycho fans, the guy bending over in the back of the photo had come all the way from ITALY to tour BTTF film sites!

Now that you know the depths of our nerdiness...you can understand our extreme excitement when Michael discovered that a little movie theatre in Santa Monica was not only showing all three films on the same evening but also having a panel discussion of the films with actors who were in the movies! We got our tickets off Fandango and made a date out of it! Honestly, it was one of the greatest dates I have ever had with Michael!

Here are the photos:

One happy BTTF Family!

Mindy standing next to one of the many Deloreans at the theater that night.

Michael sitting in one of the Deloreans.

The inside of the coolest Delorean. Everything is exactly the same as the film version!

Mindy waiting for the movie to start!

Michael with "Jennifer Parker" from the first BTTF.

The themes of the Back to the Future reach far beyond the 1980's (or 1950's or 1800's) and I encourage you to watch the trilogy. I am not being dramatic here...if you do I think it just might make you think about some pretty "heavy" things and if you don't...I might just have to call you "chicken".

Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

Yo Bow, Yo Bow

A Pirate's Life for Adella

Double Speak

2009-08-06T11:16:00.000-07:00

Recently I realized that I am a great parent.

Since the day Adella was born I have had shaky parenting abilities.

This realization came when I was browsing through my IPhoto.

These abilities were called into serious question when I looked back on some recent photos.

As I looked at the pictures, I noticed that I had unintentionally provided Adella with multiple opportunities to learn and develop her imagination through creative play.

I noticed I let my baby play with trash.

If you are interested in learning some of my "Super Mom" strategies, just let me know!

Please don't report me to CPS.

Messy

2009-08-05T21:46:00.001-07:00

My house is

messy.

My hair is

messy.

My car is

messy.

The bathrooms are

messy.

My life is is just plain

messy.

I hate being a

mess.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-05T21:44:00.001-07:00

Smooth Criminal

2009-08-04T11:32:00.000-07:00

It all started last week at Stater Brothers.

As a particularly l-o-n-g shopping trip (coupons + sales + no paycheck for three months) neared to an end, Adella began to get restless. She began whining and writhing as I emptied my cart on to the conveyor belt at warp speed. My eyes frantically searched the junk at the checkout for something that would capture her attention.

Candy?

Chapstick?

Lighters?

Then I saw it: christmas tree air freshener!

Figuring it was the least dangerous and fairly interesting, I handed it to her and finished checking out.

Somehow in the five minutes between handing her the air freshener and loading the groceries into the car, I forgot about the little vanilla christmas tree. I noticed it as I took the cart cover off...

what to do...what to do...

all of the groceries were in the car...

Adella was in the car...

the car was running with the air blasting...

what to do...

so...

I stole it. I tossed the tree into my purse, got in the car and left.

On the way home I kept looking at the tree poking out of my purse and began to feel the guilt gnaw at my soul. To silence the guilt, I tore open the wrapper and hung the tree on the rearview mirror...it was The Telltale Heart but with me, Stater Brothers and a tiny little air freshener losing it's life.

Then a few days ago at Walmart I handed Adella a pack of gum for her to shake like a rattle while I shopped. One would think I would be a little more careful after the previous incident but no...I forgot all about the gum. Until it fell out of the cart at the exact moment I was walking past the 900 year old loss prevention lady guarding the exit with her highlighter. I am not sure if she really believed that I forgot it was in the cart or if she didn't notice it fell out but I felt like a first rate criminal. I am not sure how I feel about entering into a life of crime but until Adella stops having meltdowns in the checkout line the stores better watch out for Stickyfingers Rogers.

2009-06-30T13:03:00.000-07:00

I am not a day late on this post...not me.

I am not contemplating taking an eight month old baby on an Alaskan cruise...not me.

I did not pull out an old TaiBo dvd, get dressed to exercise, turn on the dvd and then eat a pepperoni hot pocket while watching the dvd...not me.

I did not shave my legs for the first time in a month last night...not me.

I am not distracted while writing this post because Adella (who is supposed to be napping) is talking and singing to herself in her crib...not me.

"Great Great" Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-24T11:56:00.001-07:00

Great Great Grandma meets Great Great Granddaughter for the first time.

"Not Me" Monday

2009-06-22T21:50:00.000-07:00

This past week I...

...didn't pick up Adella's pacifier up off of the kitchen floor with my dirty-summer-sandal toes, wash it with my t-shirt and pop it back in her mouth...not me!

...didn't eat cheesecake for lunch two days in a row...not me!

...didn't dream about telling my mother-in-law every single solitary thing she does with Adella that drives me crazy...not me!

...didn't find a tupperware container of rotten something underneath the seat of my car...not me!

...didn't rewash an entire load of clothes just because I didn't want to iron them...not me!

...didn't pilfer tomatoes off of my neighbor's plants to make delicious homemade salsa...not me!

...didn't burn the crap out of my fingertips while chopping jalepenos for the aforementioned salsa and then stick my burning fingertips in my eye (on accident)...not me!

Attempt #1

2009-06-18T21:37:00.000-07:00

For those who don't yet know, Adella is a terrible sleeper. I've read many books and tried (unsuccessfully) to implement various versions of "cry-it-out", co-sleeping and any other allegedly tried-and-true sleep strategy. Every thing failed. Miserably.

This summer one of my goals is to figure out a method to help her sleep better. My first plan is a version of cry-it-out. Here is how tonight has gone so far:

7:15 - Adella starts showing signs of being tired (rubbing her eyes and yawning)

7:30 - 7:50 Bath time! Adella becomes wide awake and alert. She displays her excitement by splashing me, the counter top, the floor, the window, her pajamas and the roll of paper towels.

7:50 - 8:15 A leisurely stroll around our cul-de-sac in the Bjorn to help calm Adella down.

8:15 - 8:40 Return home with a limp, relaxed baby. Feed Adella.

8:40 Adella is still awake but drowsy so I cuddle her, lay her down in her crib and leave her to cry for 20 minutes.

8:40 -8:55 Adella finds the little bears on the feet of her jammies and happily plays with them in her crib.

8:55 Adella performs her new trick (rolling over) for her new pals, the two little bears.

8:56 Adella screams because she is stuck.

8:57 -9:00 I go in, pick her up, calm her down, lay her down and leave her to cry for 20 minutes.

9:01 - 9:02 Bloody murder screaming.

9:03 - 9:05 Convinced something is seriously wrong, Michael and I go in to find Adella thrashing around. We pick her up and Michael notices a rash on her forehead. What the...?!?!?! This rash was not there three minutes ago when I layed her down.

9:05 Administer a dose of Tylenol

9:06 Wonder if she is teething. Administer a dose of Orajel.

9:07 Adella farts a giant man-fart. Wonder if it is gas. Administer a dose of Mylicon.

9:08 Wonder if I just overdosed my baby.

9:09 - 9:25 Decide to dilute the medicine with some milk. Adella dines happily.

9:26 Adella bites me, pops off and is wide awake.

9:27 Pull out all of my hair, cry and run screaming from the house...not really but I seriously consider it for a moment.

9:28 Lay Adella down and try to carry out my original plan of letting her cry for 20 minutes.

9:29 - 9:45 Adella cries. In between sobs I think I hear "Mommy! Help me! I need you! How can you do this to me? I love you! What did I do wrong? I promise I'll be a better daughter if you come in and pick me up! Mommy? Mommy?!"

9:46 - 9:48 I cry.

9:49 The Twenty Minute Marker. I rush in to Adella's room. Give her a pacifier and rub her tummy.

9:50 Adella falls asleep.

9:51 - 10:02 Make a cup of tea and blog my stress away.

Been A While

2009-06-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

At the time of the last post I was still at home caring for my two month old colicky baby feeling depressed, terribly overwhelmed and wondering if I would ever again see the back of my eyelids. It has been nearly four months and even though it is not the case I feel as if I am living a completely different life than I was back in February.

I went back to work in March and discovered that my students had been tragically infected with a highly contagious and severe case of senioritis. Since there is "no child left behind" in our country's education system (insert eye-roll here) I had to drag them, kicking and screaming, to the metaphorical finish line known as graduation. To elaborate without being too elaborate, it was horribly difficult and I spent nearly every morning driving to work in tears telling myself that I was not tired, I was not sore, I was thankful for my job and that I would make it through the day. Today was my last day until late August and I know the only reason I survived is the inexplicable strength and endurance that God gave me.

Adella has turned into a completely different baby. To put it simply: she sleeps now. When I last posted she was eating every two to three hours and sleeping eight hours at night with two thirty minute naps during the day. Her red-eye routine was zapping any humanity left in me and I quickly became a zombie. Now, she wakes about two times at night and sleeps from nine until six and takes two hour long naps and while some moms still open their eyes wide with shock and horror when I tell them this, to me it is heaven. Adella used to interact with us in one way: an eardrum-piercing, non-stop, nerve-frazzling cry. Now, she used smiles, little babbles, raspberries and giggles to get our attention and I much prefer it this way!

There are many many more things that have changed that I want to write about but I've taken a while to write this much and I better get in the shower and off to bed before the little muffin wakes up for her midnight snack!

True Love

2009-02-14T17:47:00.000-08:00

Today my husband showed me such true love.

No, I am not talking about the fresh red roses or the Hallmark card filled with thoughtful words. I am thinking of how he spent the whole day doing something he didn't want to do with a smile on his face. I know that he did it just to make me happy and to keep a good relationship with my family. His sacrifice meant so very much to me and it seems like the perfect expression of his love on this Valentine's Day.

First Official Opinion

2009-02-12T10:31:00.000-08:00

About two months ago I became a mommy. Not my usually uncommitted dabbling, I know, but when it comes to mothering, I am certainly an a novice. After some time to think, I have developed my first official opinion on parenting.
I used to think that there were just hoards of unqualified parents in the world and very few sparkling examples of good parenting. However, time, experience and a lot of humbling, have taught me that there are in fact bunches of qualified parents who at the most public and inconvient times, have moments of disaster which make them appear rather unqualified in the eyes of others.
Allow me to explain...

Yesterday I took Adella to get her two-month shots. Now, let me disclose that I have not had the easiest time transitioning from childless-independent-free spirit to mommy and everyone at Adella's doctor's office knows it. My master plan was to erase their ideas that I am about as stable as a house of cards by making it through the appointment without looking like a mess.
Let me recount the high...er...lowlights of the visit:
1. I forgot Adella's Kaiser card. The check-in lady said it was not a big deal but her GIGANTIC sigh and eye roll led me to believe that she was lying and indeed it was a big deal and that she would like to string me up by my toes to serve as an example for other Kaiser members who might have forgotten their cards as well.
2. I brought way too much stuff. The office is about three blocks from my house and I could have easily returned home if I needed to but nooo...I packed my life. Poop explosion? I was ready for not one, but two. Feeding? I brought the Hooter Hider and the Boppy. Cold? I brought two extra blankets. Hot? I brought a cooler set of clothes. You get the idea...anything I might have ever needed over the next six months was piled onto my stroller and as I wheeled the load of junk through the hallways, things kept toppling off. Oops, lost a blanket. Yikes, there goes the Boppy. Excuse me sir, can you hand me the singing stuffed cat that rolled under your chair?
3. Adella began screaming her cute little head off in the waiting room so I picked her up to comfort her. At the exact moment I pulled her out of the car seat the nurse called her name. I was not about to try to strap her back in under the watchful critical eyes of the nurse so I attempted to carry her with one hand and push my leaning tower of baby supplies with the other. Adella was at a full blown fit at this point and started thrashing her head around and before I could get my other hand up to catch her, she bashed her little face onto my collarbone. You know the cry where the baby turns purple and no sound comes out? Yeah...that was Adella. I felt so terrible that I started to cry and asked (told) the nurse to push my stroller so I could hold her with two hands.
4. I forgot the little yellow card where they record all of the shots. The nurse reinacted the check-in lady's monolouge of "it's ok but it's really not ok".
5. I forgot to put the leak pads in my bra so when they gave Adella the shots and she started crying, I leaked all over my shirt.
6. On the way out of the room, I ran the stroller (with Adella in it) into the trash can. What can I say? I was trying to cover up my soaked shirt with a baby blanket and was not watching where I was going.

Yesterday was certainly not anywhere close to an example of my prowess as a mother, in fact it might be the most humiliating experience so far. But, allow me to to say that I have gained a new understanding of parenting and next time I see a mom struggling I wont be so quick to qualify her as unfit and I'll take a minute to help...that is, unless I am in the middle of creating a scene myself.

Dabble

2009-02-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

I guess that in my heart I believe that I am great at something.

"Great" is not the right word...

..."shockingly phenomenal"...

..."breathtakingly stupendous"...

..."utterly genius"...

I believe that all I have to do is dabble around, discover what my gift is and alakazam! I will find my way to contribute to the world. I would guess that this belief is the reason I classify myself as a dilettante.

Through the course of my life my dilettante nature has led me many places (some strange, some mundane, all memorable). To give you an idea, I complied a list of some of my favorites below...

-painter

-actor

-singer

-dancer

-sign language interpreter

-swimmer

-softball player

-jewelry maker

-writer

-flute player

-dog walker

-housekeeper

-restaurant server

-flower arranger

-teen pregnancy counselor

-English teacher

-mother

-wife

I am still dabbling in some of these...others are only faded memories. I know that as I dabble my way through life, I want to remember the people, places and experiences. I intend this blog to be the journal where I can share the stories of my journey as a dabbler searching for her gift to contribute.